BEAT ON BEATON
When they both attended the same primary school as nine-year-olds, Evelyn Waugh bullied Cecil Beaton. Waugh admitted in adulthood that the sight of tears in the long eyelashes of the pretty boy drove him to acts of sadism. Pins were involved. As was pea-shooter spittle.
There is a photo of Evelyn Waugh taken by Cecil Beaton in 1955 when they were both fifty-one. Evelyn has his back to some trees and his stern face is partially dappled by shadows of summer leaves. He is dressed in a fierce three-piece dog-check suit and he is holding a cigar in his fist, not far from his waist. The photographer is looking up from the height of Evelyn's crotch, or even lower. I will reproduce it here in the hope that the copyright holder appreciates what I am doing, and why it is worth doing:
Evelyn Waugh. By Cecil Beaton, 1955. Reproduced with the forbearance, I hope, of the copyright holder.
To better understand the relationship between subject and photographer, one has to realise the position Cecil Beaton was in when he took a photograph. Which one can see from his session with beaming, buxom Marilyn Monroe a few months later.
Cecil Beaton bent over so that his back was horizontal and looked down on the top of his camera. When photographing a standing Evelyn Waugh, this would have exposed the back of his balding head to Waugh's scrutiny. Would the adult Waugh have resisted the urge to stub his cigar out on the once-pretty boy's thinly fleshed, barely haired skull? Or the unprotected nape of Beaton's neck? In answering this question, you might want to take account of the following:
As an adult, Evelyn Waugh hated what he called 'pansies', even though he had two romantic/sexual relationships with young men when he was at Oxford. Slightly later than his gay affairs, when Olivia Plunket-Greene wouldn't show Waugh the physical affection he craved, he took her by the wrist and held it fast as he stubbed out his cigar on the flesh of her arm.
Beaton recalled their first meeting. Evelyn ran full tilt across the playground and stopped directly in front of him with a diabolical stare. He stood on Cecil's toes and moved his face slowly towards the quaking child's, "ever-closer until the eyes converged into one Cyclops nightmare."
Perhaps it was the Cyclops nightmare that Beaton was trying to recreate in 1955. Or the pea-shooter, spittle humiliation. You can almost see Evelyn raising the cigar to his mouth and using it to spit flame at poor Cecil.
In my opinion, the aforementioned photo of Evelyn Waugh is one of the most purposeful (and somehow the most tender) ever taken of him. Certainly, the photograph rewards scrutiny. Everything these two did in terms of their respective arts was aesthetic and intense.
But look, that cigar in Evelyn's hand could be anything the literary magician wanted it to be. Say a basketball: 
© 2019, The Art of Pants
Both Evelyn Waugh and Cecil Beaton were alive to the power of metaphor and so much more. I explore their relationship in depth in an essay in the Piers Court section of this website. An essay which pulls no punches.
But with that in mind, let us stick to the present scenario. Evelyn standing with lit cigar in his hand. Cecil focussing on getting the perfect shot…
Evelyn: "Getting panicky shit out of Cecil was as easy as tapping ash off the end of my cigar."
But Cecil had the last laugh. He had the money shot, after all. The hypocrisy of Evelyn Waugh's non-cum face.
Evelyn Waugh (detail). By Cecil Beaton, 1955. Reproduced with the forbearance, I hope, of the copyright holder.
Though let's suspend judgement until we can explore their relationship - and their respective artistry - further.
Portrait of Cecil Beaton, unknown photographer, about 1924.
The 'Waugh v Beaton' feast is in three courses, of which this is the first. The second appetiser can be found here. And the main course is waiting to satisfy your hunger for culture wars right here.
